|T-Shirt Design, focused on just being fun.|
So I've been thinking, doing a little debate you might say, about what to do to earn a little extra USDolans while I'm watching my amazing daughter, and one of the things I'm going to try is hopefully going to be Amazon Merch!
Read More for a story, and another design!
I've had a hospital stay at the beginning of the year. It wasn't a stay I'm proud of, but it was very necessary. At the time my Girlfriend and I were in a slum living off of my Walmart wage. I've struggled with depression my whole life, and being productive consistently. One day while visiting my uncle I just hit my snapping point. It wasn't a quick break. This mental decline was more of a slow bend that ate away at my soul every day. I struggled to see the light in my loves eyes, and to be motivated to even breathe, while freezing in the heatless home we were in. I had given up, and just sat there gasping for death on my Uncles floor. I was sent into the hospital to get my mental state assessed.
Anyone who's stayed in an inpatient program can tell you how difficult it is afterwards. I saw addicts torn up over the horrid idea of having to go home, back to their same friends who will immediately expect them to use with them. I wasn't an addict, but by going into the hospital, I was giving up my home that I had for not just myself, but also for my partner, and upcoming child.
I was scared.
After I got out, I couldn't go back to my job under the doctors recommendation, and I couldn't keep our home. We went through hell bouncing around houses trying to figure out what to do. But thats a story for another time.
My child was born, a wonderful baby girl, Ophelia she'd be called, and I've never felt more complete. We eventually found a room to stay in, and my fantastic partner, started working. It's a functioning lifestyle for the time being, but I still struggle everyday with anxiety, and manic depression. I struggle to be happy and smile when its needed, or to even feel simple pleasures on most days. I'm responsible for this pure, young human, and yet I'm still not working. Should I find work, to prove my worth?
Do I think I'm able to?
I don't want to become the wallowing man I was in the beginning of this year. In fact I refuse to be that around my daughter. So, My partner and I decided for me to take on the roll of house dad, while they work to take care of us. I feel terrible about it, but also honored in ways I can't possibly express. The person I want to spend the rest of my life with has given me a chance to enjoy life, without stressing everyday, and forcing myself to do things I medically can't. They have given me my life back, and I will be forever grateful.
What does this Have to do with God-Damned Amazon Merch?
Shirts like this can capture
the internet's current interests.
I've decided that I'll focus on my art, in a joyous less serious way. That way I can do something I love without the stress of feeling like I HAVE to. This lead to this blog, and once I'm accepted into the Merch program I intend on designing shirts and other items to develop a passive income from my art!
It may be foolish to live this way, but I wouldn't want anything else!
Also, I hope I can do something to help my beautiful partner <3